I did a little bit of running away this week.
I’ve been on sensory overload these past few months as I’ve had a toddler who is constantly climbing on/stepping on/hugging/kissing/tickling/pushing me, and a newborn who is nursing around the clock and always attached to me via carrier so that I can deal with the aforementioned toddler. With all the invasion of my personal space, on top of the noise/clutter/lack of calm that generally accompanies parenthood, I’ve been feeling the walls starting to close in.
On top of all this, I “recharge” through alone time. I read. I do yoga. I go on walks. I sit and drink coffee. I sleep. Yet, our particular family dynamics of the past year has made it pretty much impossible for me to have any alone time, i.e., recharge.
But then I ran away.
This past week I had the chance to accompany my husband on a trip for work and I gleefully jumped at the opportunity. For two days, I slept in late, went on walks and parked myself in an amazing coffee shop with a great book and a pile of work. I drank coffee. I ate food I didn’t cook. I. talked. to. no. one.
Evenings rolled around and I was happy to see the hubs, and enjoyed dinner with a good friend. I felt refreshed, relaxed, and most importantly, I felt like me.
As we travelled home, I was genuinely excited to get back to my boys, to our home and to the normal day to day stuff that makes up our lives. I was excited to have Theo throw his arms around me and hug me and then immediately step on my feet and run away. I was excited to snuggle close to Oliver and see his smile light up his face, and mine. I was excited to hear their voices and add mine to the mix. I was excited to feel the warmth and closeness that fills our home.
My point is this. Parenthood is hard. No, scratch that. Being human is hard. No matter what your status in life: married, single, parent, childless, working, unemployed, etc, life has it’s demands and those demands tend to chip away at the little things that make us, us.
For me, the things I do when I’ve carved out some alone time, and the person it makes me, cannot be separated from who I am. Sometimes, it is easy to get stuck in a rut of waking up each day and only maintaining a part of who you are. This week, I spent a little time with the part of myself that really kinda likes to be alone once in awhile. And it felt, really, really good.