At the risk of sounding cliche, I have to say that I really struggle with this whole body image thing. Like on a normal, not pregnant day-to-day basis. So when you add the uncontrollable weight gain, the weird shifting of body parts, and the enormous boob reality of pregnancy, you could say that my insecurities kiiinda go up a notch. Like I said, I’m a walking cliche, because I’m a girl and don’t we all kind of go through this at one point or another?
Here’s the thing. I’ve been working really hard at just remaining in the moment with this pregnancy and simply enjoying everything about where I’m at today. True, some days this is harder than others, but I believe that each day holds it’s own blessings and we can see them if we don’t get too caught up in the other stuff.
So here I am, trying to just enjoy the ride. To feel beautiful. To embrace the changes.
This is so much easier said than done, though.
I know, I’m a horrible person for not just enjoying the gift of pregnancy and I’m self centered to be worrying about how I look and why can’t I just be content???
Trust me, I’ve thought all of these things about me too.
It’s still hard. It’s still hard to see your body out growing jeans you love. It’s hard to go out and suddenly realize how skinny all your friends are. It’s hard to see the fruit of hard physical workouts bite the dust. And it’s super hard to embrace the fact that your belly is not the only thing growing.
I’ve not done a great job with this with my last two pregnancies. There were lots of insecurities and self loathing and worries about “getting my body back.” And truth be told, those tendencies have crept up in this pregnancy, too.
This time, I’m having a little girl.
And I already know she is beautiful. And Perfect. And exactly the size she is supposed to be. And someday I will ache inside if I ever hear her talk about herself they way that I talk about myself.
And I know that the first person she will learn about body image from….is me.
So, starting now, I’m *working on* having a healthy body image not just for me, but for her too. This isn’t a cut and dry process. There is no road map to getting your head on straight when it comes to how you view yourself, especially as a woman. But I’m starting with what I do know.
I know that I am a woman, who is pregnant with her baby girl. Her first baby girl. I know that my belly is protecting and growing someone special; someone I already love. I know that she is beautiful, not because of how she looks, but because of who she is, and who she is created to be. I know the same is true for me. I am beautiful, not because of how I look, but because of who I am.
I can’t wait to talk clothes and fashion trends and lipstick shades with my little girl. But the first beauty lesson I plan on giving her starts right here, right now…with me.