Life Lessons From A Crummy Week

This week has not been my favorite. But like any bad week, there are always some take aways. You know, the things you tell yourself you’ve learned to make the week’s memories a little less painful?

In no particular order, here is what this week has taught me:

  • If you change your kid’s bed sheets, they will immediately pee on them that night. (I think this is one of Newton’s laws, if I’m not mistaken.)
  • If you clean your bathroom, your kid will pee on the floor, wall, and allllll around the toilet (not to be mistaken with in the toilet).
  • If you make your kids a special, fun breakfast that makes you feel like such a “cool mom,” they will throw it on the floor and tell you your food stinks.
  • If you take your kids on an impromptu trip to get out of the house and do something fun (again, trying to be that “cool mom”), one or both kids will cry the entire time.
  • If you take your kids on a fun outing to the pool, one kid will cry most of the time and the other will come terrifyingly close to drowning, thus ruining the hoped for happy vibes.
  • If you ask your oldest child to put on his shoes, he will fall to the floor clutching his back, shrieking about a sudden, unexplainable pain that immediately goes away when you eventually cave and put the shoes on for him.
  •  If you have to be up early for an appointment, that will be the morning your kids mysteriously decided to sleep in.
  • If you have no where to be on a given day, that will be the morning your kids mysteriously decided to be up at 6 AM.
  • If your kids are around when your home health nurse comes for your weekly progesterone shot, they will come up to you for the rest of the week and jam a plastic, toy syringe in your butt.
  • If you have just had enough of it all and decide to get out of the house and go for a walk, one or both children will throw rocks at your general head region.
  • If you think you can’t take anymore, just wait. Friday will come. Your mom will take your kids so you can go to an appointment (and more importantly, get coffee). You will remember that nothing is forever and that soon, your oldest will be off to preschool. This thought does not make you sad. It emboldens you as you drive to pick up your special ones and return home. As you open the doors to your minivan, you smile a mischievous smile as you think about setting your kids loose on future teachers and administrators. You chuckle as you think, “poor suckers.” This brings a moment of such joy and peace to your life, that you temporarily forget the combined crumminess of the week.

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