The darkness does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. Brené Brown
I needed this quote yesterday.
My little family is going through something right now, something kind of tough. We are all healthy, so don’t be alarmed. But man, life can just really kick ya when you’re down, you know?
I really debated whether or not I should share this little glimpse into some of our personal struggles, because, well….while a lot of you may not know me personally (Hey Serbian readers! And Kenyan! And all you Netherland-ers!), a lot of my friends and family do read this blog. It can be a fine line between sharing my stories in an open and honest way here on the blog, and inciting a full on panic attack in loved ones. So let me just say, I’m fine. Really. I’m just discouraged.
It’s important to me that this blog be an honest extension of me, both the good things and the bad, because, another thing that Brené Brown taught me, is that if you numb the the bad, you numb the good. I’m not going to gloss over the tough things with you, reader, because I don’t want to gloss over the good things. So anyway, back to the post.
…”numbing vulnerability also dulls our experiences of love, joy, belonging, creativity, and empathy. We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.” from Daring Greatly
Mike and I are feeling overwhelmed with the many ways in which we’ve stepped out, stepped up, taken leaps of faith and been brave…with zero success. Seriously. I feel like every attempt we’ve made to move forward with our passions and plans has been thrown back in our face. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why we have such clear ideas about how we want our life to look and what we want to pursue, and yet seem to be stalled and defeated at every attempt to move those passions and ideas forward. And I don’t mean we just woke up with an idea one day and were bummed when it didn’t immediately happen. I’m talking almost 11 years of working towards something and still…nada. nothin. zilch.
Yesterday was particularly horrible. I mean, almost comically so. Things went wrong on such an epic scale. Big things. Big. So as I was crying into my coffee cup, I thought long and hard about what Brown meant by with the first quote.
I think she means that when tough things happen, and they will, that we can either let the darkness of the tough thing swallow us whole, or we can use it to draw into focus what matters. What we want. What we are passionate about. What we are chasing after with no exceptions. What we love.
At the end of the day, I’m still me. I still have the same passions, hopes, dreams, beliefs, and rock-solid knowledge of who I am and what it is I’m here for. I have these incredible souls in my life whom I love with such fierceness that it’s sometimes a little scary, but always a lot beautiful.
At the end of the day, the tough things, aka “darkness,” can’t push me out. It
can’t won’t define me. I won’t let it. I’ll face it, return to the truth, and use the darkness in an unexpected way – to bring my light into focus.
With that being said, I need to take a few days for myself. I need to regroup. I need to let my hair down a bit. I need to just be with my family and not really try too hard at anything else. So I’ll be taking the next two days off from blogging. I check in with you all on Friday because I love you so dang much, and then be back to my regular posting the following Monday. That is all. Thanks for listening.