They say that when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
What does that mean, exactly?
For me, recently, it meant shutting everything down and retreating. Just for a bit.
I had to get gone.
Motherhood, man. MOTHERHOOD.
I live in that weird space between not wanting to believe that my situation is any harder than anyone else’s (because motherhood and raising kids is just tough in general), all while understanding that there are genuine hardships that not everyone will face, and therefore not understand.
It can be really hard to know where you land. Some people tell you to try harder. Some people tell you to care less. All of it leaves you feeling like you’re the one with the problem.
But sometimes, there really are exceptions. I think we all have so many exceptions to the rule over the course of a lifetime. It’s what makes doling out advice so tricky. You might feel like your hard thing was really hard, but what if you are “advising” someone with an exception you couldn’t possibly imagine?
At the same time, no one wants to go around acting like their hard thing is THE HARDEST. I mean, I know some people who always have it “so hard.”
I don’t want to be that person.
This conundrum leaves me sitting up at night wondering, “Am I just pathetically ill-equipped to handle this? Or is there something really bigger going on here?” And of course, lots of “HOW CAN I KNOW???”
On top of all that, let me be super honest for a moment. It’s really difficult to be vulnerable about these sorts of questions, especially with other moms. When other moms hear you share your hard thing, for some reason, it seems to call into question their hard thing. As if there is only a certain amount of validity to go around, and if my thing is truly hard, then their’s must not.
Guys, that’s super crazy. We all have tough stuff going on in our lives, it’s just not the same tough stuff. So while we may not be able to relate to each other’s trials specifically, we can certainly relate to going through a difficult time with our spouse, our kids, our job, etc. This is why advice is oftentimes foolish and empathy, wisdom.
I’m not going to rehash it. If you follow any of my social media accounts than you know that my home has been a house full of destruction and frustration lately thanks to the bizarre and often inconceivable behavior of my oldest son. My middle adds to the mix, sure, but that is largely out of a follow-the-leader sort of effect.
So last week, I shut this thing down and spent some time turning inward. Thinking. Praying. Feeling. Hurting. Talking. Not talking. Baking and eating cupcakes. Venting. Crying. Going for angry runs. The whole enchilada.
All things considered, Life lately has been really great, actually. I love my life and I feel like I fall more in love with it every day. But that is the funny thing. The more I love it, the harder it gets. Is that some sort of Occam’s Razor in reverse? Hmm.
All this to say, things are good. No. Things are great. And the things that aren’t great will be ok too.
I’m sure I’ll be blogging about the good, the bad, and the ugly of it all, so, you know, stay tuned.