There are things I know.
I know that mornings that start with coffee are better than mornings that don’t.
I know that taking the extra time to clean up the breakfast dishes sets the tone for the rest of the day.
I know that a little morning prep work for that evening’s dinner goes a long way.
I know that the sooner I can get all of us outside the better.
I know that walks and reading on a worn-in sheet and salty snacks that leave crumbs on our laps make everything a little more special.
I know that sunshine and Red Tail Hawk sitings and kicking off our shoes to let our toes feel the deep rich earth does something to our soul.
I know that leaving the dishes for an impromptu after-dinner walk with races through the back yard are the type of experiences that burn deep in the brain and are certain to become beloved memories in the not too distant future.
I know that thinking less about to-do lists or accomplishments or goals and just letting the moment sit with us like a gentle stranger can ease tension and relive fears.
I know that taking the time to do simple things with care brings a sort of satisfaction that I can’t quite contain.
I know that listening to my kid’s stories and walking over to where they are excitedly pointing to see their latest invention is worth the lost time on whatever I was working on.
I know that last minute invitations for dinner and cake that leave me with no time to clean the house somehow force me to simply enjoy the mess for what it is – a sign of life.
I don’t know why motherhood feels so hard sometimes. I have a hunch that it has something to do with the little people that I spend my time with mixed with my not-so-little expectations of how I should spend my time. And I also don’t always know what to tell people when they ask me how I’m doing. I don’t know, most of the time. I’m good, I guess? It’s hard to wrap your mind around loving something that can feel so hard at times. It’s harder still to explain why you wouldn’t ever choose anything else over it. Does that make me insane? A glutton for punishment? I feel like it mostly just makes me a mom.
I don’t know. I just know I wouldn’t choose anything else. This life that I’ve chosen to build in this particular way is so incredibly precious to me.
I can’t explain it…I just know.